Thursday, August 19, 2010

two nights left in virginia.
for quite some time.
as i sit in my room i ponder on a lot.
who i was when i came home this time.
plans, thoughts, and goals.
all which have changed. for the BETTER.
i came home torn.
i leave content. not torn.
i leave with a state of sadness. because of my family. and because of what this summer has done for me.
it has been rough. it has surely had it's ups and downs.
i affected those around me, and more importantly i affected myself.
i never want to be at that place again.
i am beginning to learn to make choices for myself and no one else.
few things in life i have done for myself.
being baptized in the church of jesus christ being one.
two years ago last month i was baptized. i still remember that feeling.
how the water felt. how i FELT. more importantly.
when i came out of the water what joy, happiness. nothing else mattered.
i knew i had made the right decision. 
i remember going into the bathroom to change. looking well rather gross. but not caring.
i jumped up and down scattering water every where in my little white jump suit.
i have struggled with that decision ever since.
parents, friends, family, and others question my faith and question me.
question my motives and more times then others what start in friendly discussions end in a heated religious debate.
i never once asked for someone to understand. but its hard being a convert. i struggle EVERY DAY.
and not saying regular members do not struggle. but it is hard keeping your faith strong when everything around you is telling you to do other wise. 
i have been active, non active, active, active, then not active again.
it's a struggle every day.
but i make it through.
i know everyones faith is tested. i just remember back to those feelings.
on that day. and i smile.
because i made that decision on my own.
i did.
for me. and myself.
one decision i made all by myself and for myself.
it's been one of my only right decisions. 

i thank the people in my life that keep my faith alive. keep me alive. my spirit and righteousness. 
god knows where my heart is, and he knows me.
i am forever grateful for my heavenly father and all the blessings that he has given me.
for giving me agency to make the decisions i do in life.
the right decisions. the right way. the right path.

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