Friday, April 30, 2010

nancy drew w/styleeeee.

so a little history of cierra nicole. my boyfriend before this current ex cheated on me seven times. and how might you ask did cierra find out via myspace(yea when myspace was "the thing") this clearly makes me a nancy drew of all sorts. i have this way of finding out what people don't want me to know. because i'm well sneaky/nice all in the same person. i had one of those instances today. i say a couple of words and people just pour information out to me. it's a gift that's for sure. and i hate to say it, i owe that gift to a scrawny cocky boy who shall remain nameless. toolbag.

welll... today was the last day of classes. oh wait, summer school starts the 10th. this is something to look forward to. 8 oclock until july. life doesn't get much more perfect than that. however, i move into my apartment for the summer on tuesday, this is good news. but i have everyone here thinking i am leaving for good. i like to keep people questioning and guessing. i think its funny, and what can i say getting a rise out of people and giving them any excuse to talk about me, just makes me giggle. i'm currently in the process of going home this coming wednesday. if only my teachers cooperate. i need at least three days home before summer school. i hate being away from my family. i need to GET AWAY. and fasttttt.

other than school, i worked tonight as per usual. friday is always a kind of night. you never know the characters you're going to run into in that place. plus, the amount of little league teams with their dirty cleats rolling 25 deep in the game room has got to stop. little boys, STOMP YOUR FEET. at the end of the night i don't need to be taking forty five minutes to vacuum and sweep because your clay feet have covered my floor. let's think of others here.

my ex's graduation is tomorrow. although i'm not going for him. (okay maybe that's a little white lie) but i have a super cute dress, and i'm so pumped to of course wear it and take oh so fabulous pictures. goshhh, i'm superrr gayyy. but it's the little things in life, come on people. so i put a payment down for me and my ex to go on a cruise for his graduation present. nice huh? yea nice that the nice lady gave me my money back. that would have been fun hey cruise, party for one? cierra party uno? solo? alone? gahhh. he doesn't know nor will he ever. but that ships literally just sailed, and without the two of us. obviously. instead today on his car i placed a graduation card. (hey, at least when you open it it sings) nice gesture i thought? well i guess he didn't. no text, no call, no nothing. gosh things are looking promising there huh? haha... all i can really do is laugh about it now... like i've done nothing and you don't have the decency to send someone a text or call. like get over yourself. cus i'm about over you. one step at a time...

because someone out there is meant to treat me the way i know i should be treated. treat me as if i am the greatest thing in the world. a princess. princess cici. ha or cierra whatever works. but right now is time to focus on me... and me only. and of course my relationship with God. because he never lets me down.

so go seu graduating class of 2010... i'm just glad it's not me that HAS to grow up yet.

Thursday, April 29, 2010


today was the first day i think in FOREVER that i slept until ten oclock. but even then i was still exhausted. it was a good feeling not waking up to an orchestra as if i was at the pearly gates. not that that's a bad thing, butttt i guess it's a better ring tone then "SOMETIMESSS LOVEEE COMESS AROUNDDD!!" wow did i want to throw my phone at the wall when that went off in the morning. what i'm getting at with all this babbling is i got up on my own. and it was a good feeling.

today was a cierra day, buy little things that i needed and or DID not really need. shopping relaxes me and makes me forget that my heart currently isn't being ran over by a dump truck 247. i also jammed out to britney spears hits cd. its perfect. i forgot how obsessed i was with the song 'i was born to make you happy' it's pretty much my anthem right now. i bought a romper today, which shockingly looks good on me. see i don't really have the type of body for a romper. i am NO stick by any means. have you seen my backside? yea, enough said. but this romper is BRIGHT. and i'm obsessed, and somehow manages to look good on me. so i'm pumped to wear it. eeekk :) i also bought ariel socks, you know disney. yes, i'm 21 years old and STILL obsessed with disney. disney everything. doesn't matter... it's all perfect to me. i guess it makes me hope for more outta life. it makes me feel all tingly inside. you know disney=smilesSMILESsmiles. but for whatever reason i found the socks cute and they were you guess it only A DOLLAR. at target. gosh, target is fabulous.

i finished my day by laying by the pool and reading my lauren conrad book. uhm... just saying i could write a book about my life. i'm really debating it. but i'm also now currently debating moving to texas or california after i graduate. what do i got to lose i'm only young once. so that's up in the air. but i'll probably move again. im a runner. i'm good at it. go somewhere where no one knows my name. but they'll find it out quickly... no doubt about that. not to sound 'cocky' about that. just being well you know... real. sooo.. the more i think the more im leaning towards TEXAS ;)

so i worked. made dolla billls. cash money bebe. now i'm currently trying to see the brighter side to things as my mom tells me to. to know there is the light at the end of this tunnel. well its a LONG scary tunnel. and i don't like it. you know it's good when you can admit stuff and then eventually get over it. but i'm obviously doing something wrong, or something is wrong with me. i get left, cheated on, or boys just aren't interested. my self esteem is slowly going down the tubes... i wonder if there will ever be another. or we'll ever work this out. but i know i don't deserve this. i don't deserve the pain. or sadness.

but on a happy note... i'm thinking of going to the beach sunday... thinking? NAH im goingggggg. but covering up with some spf, dangggg. i see girls around campus with wrinkles al ready.. ladies get outta the sun or outta the tanning bed. please tell me they see that. gees if you look that rough in your 20s imagine your 30s heck even 40s. poor girls... they'll never learn. thank goodness i grew out of the tanning stage fast. no cancer wrinkle bed for this baby girlll... she loves her some spf :)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

hump day.

let me begin by telling about this teacher that has had it out for me all semester. LITERALLY. this man calls on me every class... not once, not twice, at least 10-15 times. and ONLY me. not only that he singles me out. the whole entire class could come without their lit book, but who is the ever so lucky girl he chooses to make an example for everyone.. you guessed it, ME! most of the time i roll with the punches crack a joke or two... i mean it is 8 in the morning. i usually don't have time for his shenanigans. so this morning.. i'm feeling good like today is going to be a good day. well that got smashed REAL FAST. of course i forget my lit book yet again, this class has two more days... nothing is due. i'm just showing up to pass, which he might just fail me out of pure hatred. but whatever. so i'm sitting there book less not making eye contact... "Cierra, did you read." OF COURSE. well why aren't you prepared for class, and i'm like well you know rough morning. and he proceeds to tell me how i "ALWAYS" have those. it's 8 am chief, chilllls. so he continues to ask what i want to be when i graduate in a year. an elementary school teacher, and the "kind, and ever so sweet" professor chuckles. al rightttt. this is looking promising. so i'm like you don't see that... and he says, "Now that is just frightening, i see you just setting yourself up now for a job at the DMV." UHMmmm... WHAT???!!?? EXCUSEEE MEEE, professor hater say whattttt?? So i breathe and i laugh, and go well... we better stop talking before i say something i'll regret. and he just laughs.
WOW. man of God? or what... you tell me. DMV? sweet deal, i'll call you about renewing your license tool bag.

well that kept me down for a total of 2.5 seconds. (i tend to get over things quickly, it totally normal)

the rest of my classes went well. i learned how to spell medieval today in class.. no worries i was in a game for my education class and i spelled it with an E and lost. yea, tough break i know.

as for the rest of my day... it consisted on discovering i lost 8 pounds. and you would think 8 no big deal. minor problem, it's a HUGE deal for me. when i'm upset i starve... when my stomach is in knots i starve. it's just i miss him. with every inch and breath of me... i miss him. i keep thinking maybe it's a dream and i'll wake up and there he will be. or that my phone will light up and his number will pop up. but who am i kidding, my life has never nor will ever be a fairy tale. you win some you lose some. life goes on... you choose to feel the way you do.

i'm REAL good at it too. REAL good at faking i'm okay. i've done it my whole life. i think hiding behind my smile is the easiest thing to do. you be strong to people and you lay in bed and cry at night, it's simple. it's life.

soo.. i'm either semi pathetic or just head over heels in love (which i choose love) "his" senior night baseball game was tonight. i went. looking super cute of course. but i thought i could handle it but i couldn't. my tears were so bad i kept my sunglasses on for most of the night. never let them see a tear. i could bore you with details and matters that upset me, but that's just too much information. at the end of the day, i still love and care about him... even if the feeling isn't mutual. i'll always be that girl... that cares about someone else before my own emotions. and i'll never change...

things can ONLY go up from here on out... or at least that's what i keep telling myself...

i like to pretend.

I LIKE TO THINK... that i'm a poet ! HA :)

I wake up and think dreams are real.

I sleep so I don’t have to feel.

I scream and cry to pass my time.

The days grow longer, the nights get harder.

I think of you every minute of every hour

I wonder if it’ll ever change.

If I’ll ever laugh again.

The days drag on, a smile behind tears.

Losing you; my biggest fear.

My shoulder, my rock, the one that I called mine.

My heart won’t heal this time.

I’m left here with sadness and sorrow.

I’m left here with confusion and wonder.

I’m left here with a memory of you.

And I’m left here repeatedly saying I love you.

If you never come back to me, I’ll never be just right.

You were my one and only Mr. Right.

The smiles you brought me the love and laughter we shared.

Now are memories that fill up the air.

... i just came to the conclusion i'm super lame/super emotional. whichever is more embarrassing i would rather not know.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

six months TOO late.

it's official... i'm writing MTV and telling them to make me my own reality show. i know other people really might say they need one but i SURE DO.

as i've clearly stated before the boy thing, just doesn't happen for me. and i'm fine with that, for now at least. i've been from heartbreak to heartbreak with literally no time to catch my own breath. i'm the girl that likes what i can't have, but then when i have it... i actually love it. i'm currently going through a break up.. and i won't get sappy i'll just leave it at that. a break up.

so i know this guy (lets call him ryan)
ryan has it all going for him... he's good looking, athletic, total opposite of me when it comes to personality (which i love) and he's successful/educated... you know at least the top ten qualities in someone i would want to marry. he's a gem. heck, a frickin gem stone. maybe pushing diamond.

ryan calls me up about a month ago, i think nothing of it. we're friends. and ryan confesses his love for me. literally. out of no where. tells me he can see himself marrying me, like i'm the one. AGAIN with the one business? like, al right. let's say i do actually maybe have an attraction to "ryan" (which i don't anymore, simply just friends) this is about the time in the conversation where i wanted to say, "WHEREEEE was this A YEARRR AGOOO???" when i was practically head over heels, his and hers, truly deeply infatuated with you. oh that's right, i was nothing to you then... so a year later you figure calling me up and confessing your love makes it all better. yea no it doesn't. i still remember the countless times staring at my phone, and the number of girls i saw you with. yea still fresh in the mind. the countless tears i cried over you, yuck.
lets say i would consider this, that maybe it flashed in my mind... it's just when it comes down to it "maybe you're not 'boyfriend' material.." HA. who am i kidding.. whoever ends up with you is one lucky girl. but my heart belongs to someone else. funny how life works huh? it sure gives me a chuckle or two. great guy, even better friend. just a year too late... and you can't sit and think well what if... because in the end i have no regrets. i'm straight up. straight narrow.. and go after what i want. i get screwed over that way, but hey.. like i said no regrets. luckily for me i'm in love with my best friend who has been in my life for three years now. and who is now currently my ex. yea, life sure is HILARIOUS. i'm just waiting for the day i'll laugh about this break up... like i currently am laughing about "ryan."

but i guess in the end as cliche as it is. you don't know what you have until it's gone.
at least i'm still crossing my fingers that my current ex sees it that way... "when i wish upon a star, right?"

enough of that.. today was an off day. but i did go into work. a simple little night, but i'm exhausted.

oh and little side note: some woman at my school sunday morning got held to gun point. let's talk about safe. we have security here. probably more than needed, probably taken out of our tuition money to pay them. most exceed 90 years. maybe pushing 100. they are old. and friendly? YOU WISH. grouchy little men. they walk around like the "STUFF" because they have that SEU SECURITY BADGE. give me a break you sit in a hut 24-7 and when you decide to hatch out... you ride around two by two in your golf cart. you ain't foolin' anyone. and the fact that some 20 some year old male held a woman to gun point and made him take her to an atm... well. two thumbs way up for security. we have cameras EVERYWHERE, and you didn't see that? and you also didn't see that it was happening right out front of your hut. WAKE UP.

they have tightened up security tonight, shocking? NO. because they should. about time i saw some action from the hut. i'm impressed. keep up the good work seu.

Monday, April 26, 2010

wish it were SUNdayyy.

well... yet another monday. manic monday, wish it was sunday kinda attitude.
i rolled out of bed which usually does not happen for me. i'm THAT girl that has to get ready. that doesn't make me snobby, i just feel better and work better when i feel as though i look up to par. weird theory, but totally works for the mind. trusttt.
i've also come up with another new theory. a purse changes your entireee attitude. i got this new off the shoulder kind of trendy/safari purse from urban outfitters. im semi obsessed. and it makes me feel good... in a not so weird way. don't judge, i do that enough to myself.
class was class. i am one presentation/speech, one chapel, a final, and timeline to go before i have a break for at least a week. (lucky, NOT!) did i mention the timeline has 186 items? is that normal. yea, my thoughts EXACTLY.
i worked tonight. spilled a drink on a man. what would i call that? successful night. oh and pretty sure a 40 year old hit on me. and a drunk country man was yaking my ear off about the storm last night.
oh, the storm. slept like a baby right on through. (just a little side note)

i've came to the conclusion i am destined to be alone. singular. solo. uno. you know ALONE.
i am genetically prone to live my life with just me, myself, and i... and maybe a dog or two. preferably a boxer.
you see, boys were never my "thing." it never came easy for me. i fell in "love" in high school... thought he was the one sort of thing. well he turned out to be a WINNER. sikeee. that's another story for another time... but i fell for my best friend currently in flori-duhhh. we have the whole friendship for three years, talk about anything, he/she falls for each other type of story. but wrong place wrong time. then BAM! his one trip to virginia and i knew, this is the ONE. but is there really a ONE? one person, for all time and eternity. that i could never love again. maybe i just choose to love this one person, and no one else. maybe i'm content.
well for whatever reason it was gone in a blink of an eye. no explanation. no nothing.
i was A L O N E !
and i'm stillll.. alone. but i know that no boy can make me happy. make me, well me. i don't need a boy, BUT it's a good plus. i think lying at night is the worst. but it's been two weeks. soooo... i'm slowly but surely getting used to it.
it's just harddd.. it's that feeling of throw up and naesaeu where your inside wanna come out of your mouth. but i guess it's life, just a phase i would like to skip...
at least now. i go from one disappointment to the next.
but L I F E could be worse... trust me, i'm aware. i'm thankful for all the blessings in my life. i owe it all to my heavenly father. the one person i can turn to besides my loving family...

when it rains it POURS.

this weekend was nothing short of PERFECT. and when i say "perfect" i mean an epic fail.

friday of course consisted of a full day of classes. i wonder what mind state i was in when i thought all my classes in one day was a good idea. four o'clock rolls around and it's time for work. bippity boppin' to my car... al ready aware of the fact that a week earlier my ac broke. no worries though anti freeze will soon be my BEST FRIEND. though, that was just the start to my problems. MY CAR WON'T START. here i am in 90 degree weather seeing my theft light blink and my car just not start. i break down in tears. i am a girl, and when i say girl... i mean i don't know the first thing there is to know about cars. daddy handles that business. so here i am in flori-duhhh. no boy to help, of course. just stranded. who do i call? MELISSA. always comes through... the lip quiver already in affect as soon as she answers her phone she goes, "Melissa's comingggg!" seriously she's perfect.
so work is work. after i stay with brandi and paige. our night consisted of mcdonalds french fries, large drinks in hand, mini cheese cakes, and of course a sing-a-long to end the night. at of course, 4 in the MORNING! we busted out songs from way back when disney was legit, bsb, and nsync, to nobody's angel (and if you don't know them you shoulddd) although the singing was out of tune, somehow all three of us seemed to harmonize incredibly bad together. i love them. they are like the sisters i never had.
workeddd til four. then the most epic moment ever.
me and brandi get to school and are debating on who to call to help us. well we're al ready sweating in our TD Eddie's gear.. so we need to do this and fast. we get jumper cables for the not so helpful seu security. we then decide to push my car out of a tiny parking space into the opening so no cars can pass. no big deal. so here brandi pushing my car with all her strength... she looks up at me and says, "WHYY ISN'TTT THE CARR MOVVINGG???" ohh.. did i forget to mention my foot was on the brake. so we both push til our cars are lined up. brandi is on the phone getting step by step directions, and you guessed it... drenched in sweat, and oil, and whatever else... we jumped my car. what a success.
we get to walmart and all the workers come out to help. its perfect. because i didn't know it took three workers to figure out i needed a new battery. but i did. and little ford boy is running like a champ.

i saw that new jennifer lopez movie... i don't really reccommend it, it's on the semi sad side. and plus romance movies we know are just as bad as porn is for guys. lets be serious.

i'm still the girl hoping for prince charming, john smith, the beast... you know the classics.
but i seem to still be falling short...

Sunday, April 25, 2010


my life has completely transformed in the last few years:

i've went from VIRGINIA to FLORIDA to IDAHO to FLORIDA againnn..

but this time its permanent.

i went from being someone who had everything together, to completely living life day by day. someone who put themselves before others, and believed in the best... when i should have thought the worst.

i am CURRENTLY still in flori-duhh. school has two weeks left.
luckily, i will be here this summer.. living two minutes from target which might cause a hole in my pocket. it never fails, i can find ANYTHING at target. even when i'm not looking.

i MISS my family. more importantly my MOM. my best friend. i talk to her at least 50 times a day. i love that woman. i miss days of cuddling in my room watching movies and talking. BUT how could i not miss the countless trips to the mall and the laughs we could carry on for hours. july can't come soon enough.

my life consists of school and work. i work at my ex boyfriends dad's restaurant. maybe that will seem funny further down the road. however, i enjoy it. it's a family sports bar. dealing with the public can be OBNOXIOUS but it is what you make it. it's about to be summer and my life will still consist of school and work. UNTIL JULY. i'll be in virginia. in my home. MY bed. with my family. we're the family that could honestly have our OWN reality tv show.

i started all new sorts of hobbies with my spare time. reading gets me out of my own DRAMA and into other's. but now i guess blogging is a way for me to get my emotions/thoughts out. we'll see how well that goes...