Monday, September 27, 2010

the only person i can really blame here is me. i fell for your LIES. i fell for it all.
you've brought nothing to me but misery. i believed you, i stuck up for you. i let you back in.
into my life where i was HAPPY. without you; HAPPY without YOU!
you bring nothing good out of me.
tears, sadness, anger.
what have you done to me?
what have i done to myself? i've made this mistake once.
i blame myself.
you're sly, you're clever... i give you that.
i give you points where they are deserved.
but we'll never be what we set out to be. and i'm okay.
i'm numb but OKAY. i kept you a secret. i thought it could work. i thought i was doing the right thing.
so why am i sitting here at 3 am playing the night over and over in my head?
why did you lie, for a lie, to cover up a lie, to explain a lie, to get around a LIE?
key word... LIE.
but again, i blame myself.
for trusting you. for letting you back in.
for believing that people change, for believing you loved me.
you don't know what LOVE is. you don't even love yourself.
but maybe you do, because i don't know you.
you can blame and manipulate and call me crazy.
you made me this way.
i caught you. there's no talking yourself out of this one.
we're through.
i HOPE i never see you again.
i hope you know you embarrassed me, heck you embarrassed yourself.
keep living a life. hiding behind something. pretending to be something your not.
she'll see the real you. the fake you.
tell her how you held me crying that you loved me.
tell her everything. look her in her eyes like you did me. TELL HER.
lie to her some more. she'll believe you, you're good.
but you aren't worth anything. you're dead to me.
i'm numb.
you had me in the palm of your hand.
and again, i blame myself.

it needed to happen, i needed this to.
i hope she knows what she has gotten herself into.
a self conscious tag along wanna be.
and he called us all crazy, he called us all insane. he'll do it to you too sweetie.
give it time.
you're nothing without me. you're a nobody.
you're pathetic and the thought of you makes me cringe.
self less, heart less.
but i blame myself.

you threw four years down the drain.
i guess this weekend should have meant something to us.
why? because it was epic.
because it was ironic.
karma babe, karma.

look her in her eyes and tell her you love her, i feel sorry for her... because i was once her.
i believed you.

this might be erased by morning, but i just told my secret.
my secret was you....

i'm gone.... forever.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

so i am OBSESSED with the sock trend.
(might be an understatement)
people tend to stare... look at my legs/feet
this just proves i stand out.
why fit in? why wear what you're wearing.
i'm bold. i like to STAND out.
and this trend is SUPER cute.
i feel like i have bought every color sock known to man to wear.
does this make me weird? yes.
or just fashionable, whichever.
i love fashion.
i wish i were home in VA.
FLORIDA is killing me with the lame gross hot humid weather.
i want leaves and the smell and breeze of fall.
FAVORITE time of the year.
all time FAVORITE!
i'm starting to dress like its fall.
even if it is blazing here.
on top of my game... you think?
rockin' it before others
not afraid to stand out. not afraid of stares.
i LOVE them.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

If I could have planned my life out. THIS would not have been it.
If I could have seen myself here my senior year of high school. I would have laughed and thought...
But in no sense am I complaining. I am so satisfied. So content in my life.
So completely blessed.
Being dependent on someone for every touch, every thought, every emotion sometimes becomes addicting. That addiction ends and leaves you breathless and you're left alone. Or you think you're alone, but you know that still voice... that silent quite whistle in the corner. You know him... you've heard his voice, and at one time you put something above him and his glory. You put so much effort into someone other than him that you forgot the little things. You forgot how much he did for you. How much he sacrificed and gave up. His unconditional love will never be matched. No human being, no flesh of skin will ever be what he is.. what he will always be. Lord and Savior... Jesus Christ. 
So many times we get caught up in the worldly life. I am guilty of this too. But I find that I stop to think of all the "good" things that God has created. All the good things we have. How everything good came from God. How every good feeling, every happy, laugh, smile and giggle is good. It's all good... and it all is given by the grace of God. How can one even begin to question what is good. How is something good? Look around, look at your life. IT IS GOOD.
What more could you truly ask for... "it is good"
I look back on the last six months... the last roller coaster emotional uproar of something I thought would never end. But was it good? Was it God given for me to feel the hurt? God knows I had the heart and I had the strength to get right back up again. But all he really wanted was for his child to come back to him... to yearn for him. To make him my number one priority. To rely on him and ONLY him.
I love who God has molded me into. I love who I have become, and I will never let anyone take that away from me.
I love the life I live and everyone in it. I went from six months ago thinking I would never feel love again to getting on my hands and knees praying and seeking God. To feel his love... and only his love.
His love is all I need. All that I ever need. I will never let that slip my mind again...

God's LOVE. 

Monday, September 13, 2010

life is chaotic. BUT what is most important is to SLOW down.
and appreciate all that is around you. the sun, the sky, the birds... and more importantly just LIFE.
friends, laughter, love, and smiles.
i've tried this in my own life.
stopping to just have a conversation. just have a laugh. just ENJOY life.
without stress, without worry, without a care in the world.
life is p e r f e c t.
you stop worrying and you start living.
in virginia there are signs of fall.
in florida... well NOT so much.
i want hay, and pumpkins, and candy corn. the works.
october is so festive and fun.
halloween. i'm going to be minnie. 

this weekend was perfect.
anna maria island. paradise.
beach. sun. friends. fun. laughing. late nights. and early mornings.

another week... manic monday.
let the good times roll... literally.

Thursday, September 9, 2010


it would be easy to sit here. complain, whine, and just blame someone.
but i am better then those actions. BETTER!
God has his hand in everything. his heart in everything.
he KNOWS all. i am aware.
my faith is really being tested. to an extreme.
i have found that sometimes i stray away from God when something bad happens.
the past few days i have done the TOTAL opposite.
c o m p l e t e 180.
God is number one. not on the back burner.
first and foremost.
if that is good. then everything will fall into place. one way or the other.
life happens.
but God is on my side.
always and f o r e v e r!
number one in my mind, heart, and soul.
when i feel that i am incapable of doing something i look to him.
my one and only.
the king of all kings. the creator of all. my father in heaven.
i would be NOTHING without him.
i am the girl i am today because of him and his blessings.

prayer still in my h e a r t.
i will not lose faith and not lose hope.
God doesn't give up on me so i won't give up on him and his plan.

d a d d y <3
i l o v e y o u

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

did i mention i LOVEmyLIFE.

...prayer in my heart. ALWAYS (daddy)
be faithful. have HOPE. God knows all!!