Sunday, June 6, 2010

am I missing something here?

So I'm 21 and it's crazy you know I used to think I had life figured all out. I was gonna marry my high school sweet heart and live happily ever after, which that would have been an epic fail. I was never in love with him, I think obsession had taken me over. Or more recently I thought I was gonna marry my best friend who I met my freshman year of college. Well that again was a complete and total bust. I do not understand how a guy can one day tell you how madly in love with you he is, and he is ready to spend the rest of his life with you. We had our children's names picked out and everything. And then what, what happened between the three months you decided to be with me, and our three year friendship down the drain did it change. It's like life is simply passing me by. I see all of my closest friends, and friends, even acquaintances in that happily ever after I thought I would have had by now. I am in no rush to hurry my life up don't get me wrong, but really it is as if the ENTIRE world around me is in a relationship, engaged, married, or married and with baby on the way. Where did I miss the memo to have all this done by the time I was 21? It was as if I woke up one morning and everything had changed, including my own life.
This summer was supposed to be the BEST summer of my life? I definitely have learned by now to not put all hope in something. Here's my problem.. I would rather worry about someone else's needs before my own. I will pretend as if I am okay... when I really am not.
Maybe what I thought God had planned for my life took a toll for something different. I left Virginia for a reason. I went to Idaho for another. I came to Florida for the second time for another, but maybe it wasn't the reason I was thinking. Maybe it was something even more.
I just wanna know when the entire population decided to grow up and get married, while I'm still here figuring out my life. But maybe I am not supposed to figure out my life. Maybe I'm not supposed to figure out myself. Maybe that's the funny thing about life after all... maybe it's just a day to day thing. One roller coaster ride after another...
Maybe my life will be as scattered as I am... because for the most part it is.
So, don't get me wrong... I'm not ready to rush my life by any means... and I'm not cutting down those that have all of those things. Because I could not be more happy for my friends and everyone that has that.
I'm just curious as to when will it be my turn...
will I really end up with seven cats and myself. I mean I am pretty entertaining SOLO, but really. Let's hope it doesn't come down to that ten years from now...

1 comment:

  1. Chi Chiera,

    You probably thinking I'm a stalker now, but I found your blog when I went to write on your facebook page. I was just looking at all these pictures from the weddings of people we went to HS with. I feel the same way you did in this post...where did I go wrong? Why do I not have the fairytale life everyone else does? It's weird though, in a sense I'm content.

    <3 the blog!