hump day.

let me begin by telling about this teacher that has had it out for me all semester. LITERALLY. this man calls on me every class... not once, not twice, at least 10-15 times. and ONLY me. not only that he singles me out. the whole entire class could come without their lit book, but who is the ever so lucky girl he chooses to make an example for everyone.. you guessed it, ME! most of the time i roll with the punches crack a joke or two... i mean it is 8 in the morning. i usually don't have time for his shenanigans. so this morning.. i'm feeling good like today is going to be a good day. well that got smashed REAL FAST. of course i forget my lit book yet again, this class has two more days... nothing is due. i'm just showing up to pass, which he might just fail me out of pure hatred. but whatever. so i'm sitting there book less not making eye contact... "Cierra, did you read." OF COURSE. well why aren't you prepared for class, and i'm like well you know rough morning. and he proceeds to tell me how i "ALWAYS" have those. it's 8 am chief, chilllls. so he continues to ask what i want to be when i graduate in a year. an elementary school teacher, and the "kind, and ever so sweet" professor chuckles. al rightttt. this is looking promising. so i'm like you don't see that... and he says, "Now that is just frightening, i see you just setting yourself up now for a job at the DMV." UHMmmm... WHAT???!!?? EXCUSEEE MEEE, professor hater say whattttt?? So i breathe and i laugh, and go well... we better stop talking before i say something i'll regret. and he just laughs.

WOW. man of God? or what... you tell me. DMV? sweet deal, i'll call you about renewing your license tool bag.

well that kept me down for a total of 2.5 seconds. (i tend to get over things quickly, it totally normal)

the rest of my classes went well. i learned how to spell medieval today in class.. no worries i was in a game for my education class and i spelled it with an E and lost. yea, tough break i know.

as for the rest of my day... it consisted on discovering i lost 8 pounds. and you would think 8 no big deal. minor problem, it's a HUGE deal for me. when i'm upset i starve... when my stomach is in knots i starve. it's just i miss him. with every inch and breath of me... i miss him. i keep thinking maybe it's a dream and i'll wake up and there he will be. or that my phone will light up and his number will pop up. but who am i kidding, my life has never nor will ever be a fairy tale. you win some you lose some. life goes on... you choose to feel the way you do.

i'm REAL good at it too. REAL good at faking i'm okay. i've done it my whole life. i think hiding behind my smile is the easiest thing to do. you be strong to people and you lay in bed and cry at night, it's simple. it's life.

soo.. i'm either semi pathetic or just head over heels in love (which i choose love) "his" senior night baseball game was tonight. i went. looking super cute of course. but i thought i could handle it but i couldn't. my tears were so bad i kept my sunglasses on for most of the night. never let them see a tear. i could bore you with details and matters that upset me, but that's just too much information. at the end of the day, i still love and care about him... even if the feeling isn't mutual. i'll always be that girl... that cares about someone else before my own emotions. and i'll never change...

things can ONLY go up from here on out... or at least that's what i keep telling myself...