numb.

today was the first day i think in FOREVER that i slept until ten oclock. but even then i was still exhausted. it was a good feeling not waking up to an orchestra as if i was at the pearly gates. not that that's a bad thing, butttt i guess it's a better ring tone then "SOMETIMESSS LOVEEE COMESS AROUNDDD!!" wow did i want to throw my phone at the wall when that went off in the morning. what i'm getting at with all this babbling is i got up on my own. and it was a good feeling.

today was a cierra day, buy little things that i needed and or DID not really need. shopping relaxes me and makes me forget that my heart currently isn't being ran over by a dump truck 247. i also jammed out to britney spears hits cd. its perfect. i forgot how obsessed i was with the song 'i was born to make you happy' it's pretty much my anthem right now. i bought a romper today, which shockingly looks good on me. see i don't really have the type of body for a romper. i am NO stick by any means. have you seen my backside? yea, enough said. but this romper is BRIGHT. and i'm obsessed, and somehow manages to look good on me. so i'm pumped to wear it. eeekk :) i also bought ariel socks, you know disney. yes, i'm 21 years old and STILL obsessed with disney. disney everything. doesn't matter... it's all perfect to me. i guess it makes me hope for more outta life. it makes me feel all tingly inside. you know disney=smilesSMILESsmiles. but for whatever reason i found the socks cute and they were you guess it only A DOLLAR. at target. gosh, target is fabulous.

i finished my day by laying by the pool and reading my lauren conrad book. uhm... just saying i could write a book about my life. i'm really debating it. but i'm also now currently debating moving to texas or california after i graduate. what do i got to lose i'm only young once. so that's up in the air. but i'll probably move again. im a runner. i'm good at it. go somewhere where no one knows my name. but they'll find it out quickly... no doubt about that. not to sound 'cocky' about that. just being well you know... real. sooo.. the more i think the more im leaning towards TEXAS ;)

so i worked. made dolla billls. cash money bebe. now i'm currently trying to see the brighter side to things as my mom tells me to. to know there is the light at the end of this tunnel. well its a LONG scary tunnel. and i don't like it. you know it's good when you can admit stuff and then eventually get over it. but i'm obviously doing something wrong, or something is wrong with me. i get left, cheated on, or boys just aren't interested. my self esteem is slowly going down the tubes... i wonder if there will ever be another. or we'll ever work this out. but i know i don't deserve this. i don't deserve the pain. or sadness.

but on a happy note... i'm thinking of going to the beach sunday... thinking? NAH im goingggggg. but covering up with some spf, dangggg. i see girls around campus with wrinkles al ready.. ladies get outta the sun or outta the tanning bed. please tell me they see that. gees if you look that rough in your 20s imagine your 30s heck even 40s. poor girls... they'll never learn. thank goodness i grew out of the tanning stage fast. no cancer wrinkle bed for this baby girlll... she loves her some spf :)