you know that feeling. that you overcame something.
that you made it to that point. and once you hit that point there is no turning back.
like you know after making it to that point nothing changes.
well i made it.
the day before last.
then my phone rang. it was a number i once knew. a number i secretly wanted to see.
but i didn't. but then i did.
all the emotions ran back. that took seven days to simmer.
and on the seventh day God rest. this was my rest.
my seventh day. MY SEVENTH day.
and you ruined that. YOU always ruin everything.
you ruined us. you you you.
but thanks for the help you gave. for a split second it felt as if you cared again.
but you care for me just as you care for the next girl. you would have done it for anyone.
i'm no different. i never have been.
i'm a friend. love is different when you aren't "in love" with someone. thanks for showing me that.

see i will believe in love again. I WILL.
i will get it. that insane. breathtaking. heart ponding. palms sweating. butterfly stomach. romantic nightttts.
someone out there is going to love me for me.
no in between.
every little silly. quirky. weird. crazy. funny thing about me.
they will love the little things about me.
not notice my flaws. be infatuated with me and with being with me.
i can't wait for someone to look at me like i'm the only girl in the room.
like they have never seen a single soul until they saw me.
what bliss.
what a hope. dream. what a thoughtttt.
i know you're out there... and you're waiting for me just like i'm waiting for you.

come find me... when i'm ready. better yet when you're ready.
i'll still be here... becoming who i need to become for you.